hello

I spent the day in bed with my love for the past two days because of some weird case of the stomach flu, but besides the part where I couldn’t ingest anything except gatorade, it was enjoyable and I was happy nonetheless.

Sometimes the best things are the little things, especially when they are shared with loved ones :)

And my arms are so sore its hard to shower. 

But my body is happy :)

diehasen:

• relax
• spend time with family
• sleep, a lot
• eat good food
• yoga classes 
• running and weight lifting
• shop
• more eating
• seeing friends
• lots of smiling and lots of laughing

:)

Can it just be over now? 

Break just needs to start so I can do all the things I’ve planned!

And I was telling her about all the pressure on my shoulders. Yes, I want to be a doctor. No, my parents have never ever forced me or asked me to. It was something that I have always wanted to do with my life. And as I grow older, I realize that its not all easy like I thought it would be, and in fact, its actually really hard. Not because I have to go through all this schooling or because I have to study a lot. Its hard because I know I’m going to be dedicating the rest of my life to pretty much having not that much sleep and not that much time to do the other things in life that I love. 

I’m not going to lie though, the road to medical school is definitely stressful as well. I could have taken the easy road and just stuck to an easier program, but I didn’t. I applied to biochemistry because I wanted to and because the biochemistry program at my school is amazing. And honestly, I’ve learnt so much from it that I know a lot of other kids science probably never will. But its hard, its not easy. I stay up late all the time, I rarely get time to do anything else, and I am always, always stressed about my life.

And it makes me scared, because I took the harder way, I suffered with the fact that I don’t have the perfect grades. I’ve taken some really hard courses, and taken some courses that I have had no interest in because my program required it. And I’m always worried about is that its going to take me years to get into med school. I mean some people go into it after their PhD. That could be a lot of years. And there are so many people that always tell me to not worry and to just try my best, and that they could see me getting there.

Then I told my mom about how I didn’t want to be old when I start my career - that I’m already kind of old. She looked at me with the most ridiculous face I have ever seen and told me in her stern chinese, roughly translated to, “Stephanie, are you stupid? You’re only 21 and you’re already thinking you’re old. What’s wrong with you? You have your whole life ahead of you and I think you’re going to do great things with it. Its okay if you don’t get in the first try because you can always try again. If its something you want to do, keep trying. No one told you it was going to be easy. Stop comparing yourself to how much better other people are, and start realizing how amazing you are.” 

And thats just it. I’m always comparing myself, and there’s always going to be someone else out there that is smarter than me, but that does not mean that I’m not competent in my own ways and it does not mean that I can’t do the things I want to do with my life.

So this post is to tell myself to remember my wise mother’s words and to remember that I should keep pursuing all the things in my life that I want, even if its difficult.

• my stem cells exam wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be and I think I actually did okay
• my kinesiology exam wasn’t bad either
• I spent a nice weekend with my boyfriend just relaxing, and I really needed to take that break from finals. He spent time with me and we just talked, cuddled, watched tv, and ate good food
• I still have 4 days until my english exam to prepare
• I still have 8 days until my nutrition exam, plenty of time to study
• my best friend got an iphone and now we can iMessage! She lives 2000 miles away from me and we used to communicate by writing emails and calling each other, but we’re not really phone people, so that didn’t work out that well. We’ve kept in touch since I’ve moved away 6 years ago, and whenever we see each other, its like we never even separated. I appreciate our friendship above a lot of other things in my life because she’s my other half. We’ve been talking everyday just about random things like we’re living in the same area again and it honestly makes my day better
• I have a roof over my head, clothes to wear, and the best family and friends

This was a total self-help post. I’ve been really having a bad day, but after thinking about all the good things in my life, I don’t feel so bad anymore. I’m surprised this works. You guys should try it. 

Focus on the positive.

I only slept for three hours, and I have no idea why I’m not napping right now. That’s weird because when I was studying, I swear I would jump at the chance to sleep. 

My housemate is honestly the best! I met her in first year on the first day of chem class and she asked if the seat next to me was taken. We lived in separate residences that year, but we studied together, went to the gym together, and ate together a lot.

After first year, we’ve been living in the same house ever since. I can honestly say that shes the best housemate I’ve ever had. She is clean, nice, and a very good friend. We laugh together too much, talk about food way too much, and overall we just have a nice friendship because we are so similar, yet so different in many ways.

I didn’t have time to make dinner tonight because I have two exams in a row, and she offered to make me dinner :) She is the sweetest person ever and she deserves the best from life <3

Day of my death Tomorrow and Thursday morning. 

If you’re going to send flowers to my funeral, I’d prefer lillies, white roses, or bundles of jasmine flowers because they smell amazing. Thanks. I’m trying my hardest to not check tumblr starting… now.